The Wedding Part 3 - The Wedding Dinner

Mom woke me up from my nap *KNOCK KNOCK!* "Ei, getting late ah!". I woke up, huh! 6:15pm!!! The dinner is 7:00pm sharp!! Yeah, riiiiiight. You can't trust the word "sharp" in a Chinese wedding dinner. How right I was. Read on.

Took a quick shower, wore the shirt and pants I chose earlier (sorry girls, no pics ;P). We left the house at around 6:55pm. Hahaha.

The dinner's at this hotel called Pearl Point. Took a while to find parking cuz not familiar with the place. We parked at the basement. The invitation card did not state which floor would the dinner be. Lots of errors in it. A refund should be claimed. Someone should be fired. In my best Donald Trump voice, "You're fired."

Met up with some other "relatives" we saw at the groom's place earlier. One of their car's window's stuck. It wouldn't wind up. Dad helped them. My Dad's a Jack of All Trades. Asked them where the dinner's gonna be, which floor. They say they know and they will bring us there.

Went to the lift. Bump into my Kai Cher's husband. He say we have to take the lift to the ground floor, and change lift to get to the 5th floor. Hhhmm, but the sign in the lift says we can go straight to the 5th floor -__-'. Nevermind, you want to argue with the guy who just came down from there? When we're at the 5th floor, we bump into the people who took the lift from the basement straight to the 5th floor. -__-" Please remind me not to ask directions from someone.

Anyway, we went to the room where the dinner is. My Kai parents welcomed us and the "friend" is there as well to help out. Talked to her for a while, make small talk. You know "You look great tonight , wanna hump?." and all that.

Kai Ma showed us to our table. You can hear romantic songs playing. The uncle and aunty is already there, gossiping. Don't you just love relatives? There were extra 4 seats. 2 are for my grand parents who obviously can't make it. Another 2 is for my grand uncle and aunty. They did not show up.

So, we were late, it's 7:30pm. We talked and waited, talked and waited. It's 8:30pm already. Dishes are not served yet. Probably there are some people still not here yet. How typical right? Saw two girls wearing tube top and mini skirt with knee high boots. I think they are trying to go with the Jill Valentine look from Resident Evil game and movie. Errr why do you wear like that to a wedding dinner? Doesn't seem approriate. Look like.....

8:30pm. No food yet. This is getting out of hand. A waitress asks us if we would like some beer. Beer on an empty stomach? Why not? Sounds like a brilliant idea. I took a glass.

9:00pm. My beer's almost finish. My face lit up like a red LED, and still no food yet!! This is ridiculous!! Is this going to be a wedding supper??! Waitress asks if I want more beer. Maybe it was the beer talking, I took another glass. The uncle too starts to think this is ridiculous, he went to "advise" my Kai parents "to hell with those who are late.".

9:30pm. Music/songs' silenced. They dimmed down the lights. Some over played tune by Enigma starts playing. Waiters started entering the ball room in formation and proceeded to each tables. With a tray of dish on their hand, the middle's lit up with a candle. Each of them just stood right next to each table. Waiting....

If I weren't half drunk, I would kick him in the balls and grabbed the food. Some girl, a waitress; dressed nicer than the others, came in sitting on some sort of chair carried by some waiters... you know, like as if she's some sort of princess, with a tray of food on her hand and served the bride and groom's table. Only then, the other waiters place food on our table. Chow time!

Lights are back to normal. The aunty squeaked "THEY ARE SERVING US FROZEN FOOD! CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT! FROZEN FOOD! I CAN GET THESE FROM THE SUPERMARKET!!!". If I weren't half drunk, I might hide under the table. The uncle shush her up.

Second dish came in, it's shark's fin soup. The aunty squeaked "SUCH STRONG MAGGI CHICKEN STOCK SMELL! CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT!!? THEY USE MAGGI CHICKEN STOCK!! THE SMELL IS SO STRONG!!". She was shushed up again. Some people arr, yes it's cheap and cheesy, but it's people's wedding mah.

I think it's somewhere between the 5th and 4th dish, we heard the Ah Naa emcee goes "Testing wann tou twee...". He started to invite the bride, groom and their parents up to the stage. "Let's invite the groom, who from the front looks like Lau Tak Wah, the side looks like Jacky Cheung, the back looks like Lai Ming..." (translated from Canto). Sounds like an abomination to me. He did that to all those who were invited up to the stage, with different' Hong Kong celeb names of course.

What are they doing on the stage? They are doing a YAAAAAAMMMM SEEENNGGGGGGGG with everyone. I went KAAAM PAIII! Okay, maybe I'm more than half drunk. After the "yam seng", the parents went back to their seats except for the bride and groom. The emcee started to wish them have a good career, buy big house, buy big car... sounds cliched and corny right? It got worst. He started talking dirty to the bride and groom. I heard he's getting paid for this. RM 600. Life is so unfair.

After the emcee finished his story with how the bride and groom got a dozen of kids who grew up to become successful people and they kissed, we continue eating. Saw a cute chick (i think she's like the manager here, or someone who's in a high position) walked passed. Our eyes met. She smiled, and I smiled back, raising my glass ala "here's a toast to you. Okay, I'm officially drunk. Maybe I should change my profile to "I only drink on special occasions". Well, I don't really drink mah... I get drunk. LOL! I'm lucky I didn't hurl. It's been a while since I've had so much (as in two glasses of) beer in a night. I only drink on special occasions and when clubbing, which pretty much is rare these days.

Anyway, it's 11:00 pm. Dinner's finish. Most of the alcohol in my system were "flushed" out. They thanked us for coming. We went home. The End. Oh, and everyone lived happily ever after. The End. Ooh! ooh! And I am proud that I didn't hurl. The End.






Can you sense the sarcasm?